Are they abs? Or is it just colour-contrasted fur? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care. But again, we can’t get that stuff in our porn anymore, so what do we do about that? Much like with Blastoise, the people of the United Kingdom must take some initiative, find themselves a cute Machoke to date, and when things start to get spicy under the bedsheets, say, “Machoke, use Submission!” (It’s super effective). It’s pretty big with the kids these days. Talking of things that have been banned in porn: choking. Fuck you, Tories, Blastoise is my new best squirting friend now. From first-hand experience, I can confirm this to be the case. When a nation’s standard access to squirting porn becomes almost impossible to access, what must the people do? Go out into some field somewhere, maybe by a pond, and wander around aimlessly until they find a Blastoise in the wild to cater to their fetish. It may have been banned in pornography under a controversial bill brought in by the Conservative Government of the United Kingdom, but squirting is still wildly popular with a large swathe of demographics. But what about the figurative? If it wasn’t already evident enough that willing bottoms on the internet desire a good old fashioned railing from a Great Wyrm every so often, then all of that fanfiction after The Hobbit came out really sealed the deal. Yes, in the literal sense, they breathe fire and stuff. Tolkien, it’s that dragons are pretty hot. If there’s one idea that we have come to glean as a society from the extensive, epic, and sometimes heart-wrenching works of late British author J.R.R. Right, now that’s out of the way, let’s get on down to bone town. No Young Pokemon: Let’s not get weird or creepy about it - I know we’re talking about cavorting with Pokemon here, but still - and some of those first evolution Pokemon look a little young, don’t they? As a result, I’ll be excluding all yet-to-be evolved Pokemon from this list, unless they don’t have any evolutions and seem mature enough to consent. I won’t be including Lucario in my final list, nor my honourable mentions - he’s seen enough. No Lucario: For those unaware of the internet’s favourite victims of ongoing sexual subjugation, perhaps infamously, the most common to feature in horny Pokemon artwork and fanfiction is Lucario. So, here’s the criteria that I’ve used to determine my final list. That’s quite a lot to narrow down into just 14, and a lot of them are very sexy. As of the most recent mainline releases in the Pokemon series, Pokemon Sun and Moon, there are 812 Pokémon throughout all eight generations.
Having a fair amount of experience in exploring my thirst for video game characters in my illustrious career, I took it upon myself to explain to you, dear VG247 reader, just why I consider some Pokemon so alluring.īefore we begin, I have to lay (yes) some ground rules. Many a ‘Mon have been fan-illustrated in a variety of sordid scenes and poses, so clearly the appeal is there. You’d know this if you frequented the darker corners of the internet. Pokemon are conceptually not very sexy - that’s an assumption you might make.